


Arson and Orange Peels

by Pocket_Theremin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-06 23:32:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15205889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pocket_Theremin/pseuds/Pocket_Theremin
Summary: Reader is preparing to do legal, and non-nefarious, acts, when Lucifer shows up to be a bother.





	Arson and Orange Peels

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the prompt: Hey, here’s an idea: let’s set you on fire.

You had concluded that Lucifer, in fact, had zero positive qualities. Well, not including his charm, dashing good looks, biting sarcasm (when it wasn't directed at you), and utter spite for authority, or those who claimed to be the authority. Other than that, nothing good about him at all.

The reason you concluded he was irredeemably bad, was because he was so very good at getting on your nerves. Especially now, when all you wanted to do was a series of abnormal, highly embarrassing events that shall not be seen, nor talked about, by any other living being than yourself. A lot of which involved fire, lotion, a bottle of acetone, and a lot of orange peels. Of course, you couldn't perform your acts of dubious legality with Lucifer constantly looming over your shoulder. You needed him gone.

“Lucifer. I'm kinda busy.” You crossed your arms, glaring up at him from the library table, which you were sitting in the middle of.

“Doing what, exactly?” He hesitantly picked up an orange peel, looking at it quizzically. “Why do you need so many of these?” 

“Shhhh.” You crawled closer to him, ignoring the orange remains that you sat on in the process, and put your finger to his lips. You used your other hand to pull the orange peel away from him, and dropped it back into the pile. He looked at you with pure, unadulterated confusion. “I need all of these.” You whispered, scooting back to your previous place, and pulling the pile closer to yourself.

He looked at you like you were crazy. “Okay. And what is that industrial sized bottle full of?” You looked over to the bottle. It was sitting in a chair next to you, the nozzle peeking up over the table just enough for you to squeeze out lotion whenever you needed it. You looked him dead in the eyes, set an orange peel under it, and globbed out an unnecessarily large dollop of lotion. You took it, and slapped it down onto one of your thighs, dragging it across until it fell onto the table. Just to be clear, this is not what you intended to do with all your supplies.

“It's lotion. Want some?” You said, probably definitely more aggressively than need be, and made sure your eyes never left his own.

“Why?”

“Maybe you should stop asking questions.” He blatantly ignored you, and instead asked what was in the much smaller bottle that was sitting beside you on the table. “Acetone.” You stated proudly.

“Yes, of course. You have a bottle of acetone, in a library, sitting right next to a lighter and a box of matches.

You glared at him. “Hey, here's an idea: let's set you on fire. Or, y'know, you could stop with the twenty questions.” He opened his mouth to talk, but instead chose to sit down across from you. He stared at you, and everything around you, with interest. You narrowed your eyes. “Go. Shoo.” You ushered your hands towards the door.

“I've stopped asking questions. Now I think I'll just watch.” He kicked his feet up onto the table.

You crossed your arms. “I dunno, Luci.”

“C'mon, this wouldn't be the first time we've done something like this together. Remember the dungeon incident? With Sam?”

You laughed. How could you not? It wasn't enough for him to garner your trust, though. “Okay, but that didn't involve copious amounts of lotion. Things get weird when lotion is involved. Always.”

“Oh? What kind of weird?” He smirked suggestively.

You narrowed your eyes at him in appraisal, before deciding he was, in fact, a very good partner in crime. He was great in high stress situations, charming his way out of things, and he even knew how to communicate! Unlike Jimmy… Jimmy didn't know how to do anything right, not even the easiest act of arson. He got what was coming to him.

“Alright. I take back what I thought about you earlier. You are very good. Much better than Jimmy, at the very least. Not that that's saying much.” He raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Now, about that weirdness question…” You crawled across the table, again, to get to him. You grabbed the collar of his shirt, and pulled his face up to your own. His eyes widened, and he planted his feet back on the ground to stay out of your way. That was always the best course of action when you got like this. “The answer depends on how far you're willing to go.” Your smile was terrifyingly wide, and your eyes held a sense of fiery passion (and also bloodlust) that Lucifer never seemed to be able to find anywhere else. He couldn't lie, he certainly enjoyed it.

He brought a hand up to your chin. “As far as you'd like, my dear.” Your breath caught in your throat. He was using his charms on you, instead of the people that needed to be put in their place. Yet somehow, you had no problems with it.

“I always go all the way.” You stated simply, not thinking about how it would sound out loud. It was the truth, and this very sexy man didn't deserve your lies. You could feel your breathing grow heavier.

“Always?” His face drew closer to your own, noting the look in your eyes. The bloodlust was still there, always, but this time it was accompanied by desire and need.

“Always.” This time you were the one to bring your face closer, ghosting your lips over his. You pulled his collar closer, even though he was already closing the short distance on his own. You both savored the kiss, his hand moving to your cheek in a surprisingly gentle gesture. You sighed in contentment when he pulled away. “I changed my mind about setting you on fire.”

He laughed. “Oh, but Y/N, you already have.” His voice was a wonderful, seductive purr. “Literally and figuratively.”

“Oh yeah, I did do that once. But hey, you deserved it.” You kissed him again, and he returned it with just as much passion. This time, you were the one to end it. “Not as much as you deserved that, though.” You winked.

“Well, I hope I deserve more than just that. I seem to recall you telling me you always go all the way.”

“I did. But I never said how long it would take for that to happen!” You pulled away, this time actually, fully walking on the table before plopping back down behind the mountain of orange peels. You were grateful that you didn’t slip on any and make a fool of yourself. “Now, I'm going to educate you about the wonderful world of science, revenge, and lotion…”


End file.
